So, I've been back at university for a week, and still no progress in any form of life. I must apologise for my lack of input in the last week. It's extremely pathetic of me as I have absolutely no excuse not to write.
Last Thursday Gradzi and I went for a night on the town. We headed to 'The Dodgy Deli', a place of worship in our town, and a place where crates of lager come cheaper than water. We proceded to drink the entire contents of a 24 pack of lager and a fair portion of a bottle of gin. To say that this was a mistake is an understatement. After a month of sitting on the sofa playing Football Manager, with limited contact with any form of human life, we were understandably on another planet. We went to the club neither of us remember anything that happened, except me getting dragged out on my hands and knees, for Gradzi to find me pole axed on the pavement outside, Gradzi then walked to his girlfriend's house in tears (probably because of the gin) and barried all over the floor (barry means vomit in our Mayhem language). Oh, and I forgot to add I strained my cruciate ligaments trying to kick down Gradzi's front door. Truly idiotic.
The next day I woke up with an absolute stinker of a hangover and this hadn't improved by the evening so once again Gradzi and I made an absurd decision - to go to the cinema together. We looked like a gay couple and watched a truly boring film, and skulked home afterwards to bed. On Saturday we went to the bookies and lost loads of money betting on the football.
Sunday was another nothing day but on Monday I travelled to London to meet some of the prophets of Mayhem, via a short trip to visit my friend Dr Zoidberg who was working at a rug shop. We went out for a burger and some drinks and I really did get a vision of a life that had evaded me for all of my 21 years, nearly 22, so far on this earth. It was enjoyable and civilised, and I thought to myself that this was probably the sort of evening that real people often have, and something I should try to accomplish more often. A true epiphany, if ever I'd had one. The next day though, I slumped back into my typical, moronic self. I travelled to Liverpool Street to meet another true moron (except he has a girlfriend so already, he is a better man than me) - The Tramp. We headed to the betting shop once again, and I spent £9 of the 20 I had to spend on beer on the electronic roulette machine in an act of pure idiocy. So with £11 in pocket we headed to our first pub of the day, and had a couple of pints. I'd made the effort to dress well for my first date with my beloved Arsenal in three years and Tramp even said I was "a changed man", which I guess goes to show how little he knows. We supped our beers before getting the bus to the next pub, and this dynamic until we reached the final pub, at Arsenal, where we spent £40 on beer between us. We were in a state of true Mayhem as we headed to the ground, where we watched Arsenal beat Ipswich Town 3-0 in a thoroughly eventless Carling Cup tie.
I headed back to my uni house and slumped back into my usual pattern of self loathing before going to sleep. Wednesday saw the return in one of the best aspects of my life - The OBUFC social. These events occur in a cold, grotty bar every Wednesday evening. We drink beer until we are sick, shout silly things and just generally be total and utter morons, before heading off to another night club and vulch (hunt) for women in another dank pit of a night club. This week we completed the centurion challenge, where we all consumed 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. True Mayhem and true fun. Wednesday past and once again I failed to consume any form of ten bean salad, in fact, the only salad I even came close to was that in my kebab at the end of the night, and there were no beans in it.
On Thursday, Sleazy and I made a video of 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin, sang by us, as part of our newly formed band 'Freak 42' - What could be more fitting? This video has received some mixed feedback but so far no overly romantic advances from females. The weekend came and went, absolutely nothing happened and I now lie here in bed, ready for a week of uni lectures to start tomorrow. Something that will no doubt dampen my already thoroughly sodden spirits even further. Brilliant.
No comments:
Post a Comment